Maybe our parents aren’t perfect

I was once asked in kindergarten who my idol was. "My father," I had replied without a hint of hesitation.

It might sound like a typical answer, but I was being absolutely honest. My father's impressive professional journey, his kindness, his knowledge about leg-spinners – it all allured me. I was awestruck by Abba's personality and when I said my father was my idol, I meant it. I use the past tense, for things have changed as our relationship with our parents often do when we age.

As we grow up, we meet more people. People who hold opinions different from our parents and do things differently than our parents did. So, naturally, we start questioning things. We compare our parents with others and, for once, we judge them not as our parents but as individuals. We find flaws and wonder, is it possible that my parents are not the perfect human beings I considered them to be?

Of course, our parents have every right to be as flawed as we are. Maybe we're the ones who are having trouble understanding that people make mistakes. It's only fair that our moms and dads don't fit our made-up template of human perfection.

While many of us had to hear "Why can't you be more like him/her?" in our childhood, we grow up to do the same to our parents and say, "Why can't you be more like their parents?" We put them behind bars for questioning, and more often than not, they don't bother answering. They analyse our anger as a lack of discipline and a form of revolt.

Even if we accept this inevitable realisation of the imperfections of our parents, the most difficult part is accepting their flaws as human beings and the problematic aspects in their mindset. When we see them being on the wrong side of a conflict, picking on people or being misogynist or racist in their actions, it's difficult for us to stay quiet as individuals, especially as teenagers and young adults with our own perspectives. And if our parents aren't open enough to unlearn their past problematic habits or accept opinions different than their own, that too from their own children, we often have to learn to stay quiet and live with it.

But overlooking peoples' flaws day after day isn't always an option. And so we fight, we cry, hearts break and relationships crack. We become too impatient with our parents. Before you know it, you haven't talked to your mother in two days and somehow going to the next room and telling her about your day feels unwanted.

For us to rebuild our broken relationships, we need to identify what broke them in the first place. While our parents need to accept that conflicts between parents and children are only natural, maybe we need to be brave enough to take the first step and open up to our own parents.

Remind Ifti to be quieter at hasiburrashidifti@gmail.com