Panic at the cubicle: The dos and don'ts

Music invokes the deepest emotions in me. That must be the reason I have the most intense feeling of rage and fantasise of scenarios reminiscent of Fight Club where certain people's faces make intimate acquaintances of their computer monitors every time someone starts playing annoying Hindi music on days when assignments are due and concentration is of paramount importance. This fantasy ends with a few broken bones and a massive bill from the guys at finance for destroying office equipment. Don't you just hate it when emotions need to remain repressed?

There are times when subtle hints work and there are times which call for passive aggression. Sadly when the next cubicle blasts Kuch Kuch Hota Hai from a built-in CPU speaker, it is almost certain the person is devoid of any common sense to pick up on either. And as much as one would like to uninstall the sound drivers from the computer, this is not a long term solution when the office has an IT department which gets to it even if a week too late.

Of course I am not against music, I would gladly hum along to the chorus of a good song playing at a decent volume and tap along while working. There is a time and place for everything. A slow day, your colleagues seem a little down, you play It's My Life and chances are whether they love Bon Jovi or not, they know the words and will hum along. Running on a deadline, curses everywhere and people are one step away from becoming the next psychopath – definitely not the time to start up My Heart Will Go On. You don't want to be the person who walks in to the office and everyone has to jump for their ear plugs.

At times though, listening to music helps. Need to get recharged – there's surely a track that gets you pumped up be it Party Rock Anthem or Sharp Dressed Man. Need to concentrate and you got your fancy synth thingies that frankly I never understood. I even knew a guy who plugged in his ear buds, cranked up Stairway to Heaven and took power naps in his cubicle before tackling particularly gruelling days. In cases like this, think of the poor unfortunates around you and be sure to invest in some good headphones. A decent headphone, be it from A4 Tech or Beats should do the trick. Or since everyone carries around a pair of earphones anyway, just put them on and let the office get on with their work. Be sure not to crank up the volume too high though – and I speak from experience – a boss calling you while you are playing air guitar to Metallica does not end well.

Music has been known to add to productivity. It makes repetitive work easier according to studies. There are debates on whether lyrics are distractions or if classical music actually improves concentration. Ambient music seems to be the sweet spot and dance music has been known to increase efficiency while proof-reading. If your boss is annoyed because you perpetually have headphones on, point out the pros and be sure not to mention that some studies have claimed music can interfere with learning.

To get back to our annoying colleagues, the most you can do is to keep dropping subtle hints that are not so subtle. Leave that pair of Nokia headphones that your mom never used on their desk, mention aloud how music feels so much better when listened to via headphones, delete all their music and leave Zeppelin's IV on their computer. And if none of that works, politely asking to turn down the music has been known to work. Sometimes.