THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

ARIES
Bananas in pyjamas will tap your shoulder any second now.

TAURUS
You must assert your dominance tonight. Use any means necessary.

GEMINI
A raging bull above will assert their dominance over you. 

CENCER
Contact a real estate agent for issues regarding the empty void in your life. 

LEO
I heard the middle-east is nice this time of the year.  

VIRGO
If this does not make sense to you, how can your own life make sense, then?

LIBRA
The R is silent. So is the cow that will never testify against you.

SCORPIO
Stop writing sad stories. Spread happiness instead. At least try. 

SAGITTARIUS
Your little brother is not a dog. Stop pretending so.

CAPRICON
Dank memes are a great currency in heaven. Save them.

AQUARIUS
Try to share a few happy stories with Scorpio. Maybe that will change their minds.

PISCES
Two heads are more than one. Just like my fingers.