THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

ARIES
The more you learn about trees, the more you'll want to be one. 

TAURUS
Here's 50 bucks, go get yourself a haircut.

GEMINI
Enter a shin kicking contest. Feel like a man. 

CENCER
Are you going to eat that? There's a hungry kid downstairs who probably wants it more. 

LEO
Zebras weren't made by painting stripes on horses. 

VIRGO
My heart aches for those whose hearts ache for you.

LIBRA
I think we all agree that class was a big mistake.

SCORPIO
Never will a decision make more sense than when you punch yourself in the gut.

SAGITTARIUS
A mysterious man will come up to you and ask for help. You better do the right thing.

CAPRICON
The first time you saw a mirror was probably pretty amazing, don't you think? 

AQUARIUS
Order yourself a big bowl of fries, and then pretend to wash your face with it. It's for a cause.

PISCES
Resisting the temptation of walking up to a wall and licking it doesn't make sense.