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A Biman flight

21 May 2006, 18:00 PM
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
By Amalesh Dhar University of Natural Resources and Applied Life Science Vienna, Austria
21 May 2006, 18:00 PM
Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your Captain Mahmud: Welcoming both seated and standing passengers on board "Biman". We apologise the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather, engine problems and a part time job I have in a fast food restaurant. This is flight 707 to Dhaka. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in Bangladesh. And, if luck is on our side we may even be landing in your village! Bangladesh Biman has an excellent safety-record!!! In fact, our safety (and security!) standards are so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! With pleasure I announce that starting this year, over 30% of our passengers have reached their destinations. If our engines are too noisy for you, on passengers' request we can arrange to turn them off!!

We regret to inform you that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. However, for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Emirates Airline, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.

There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! If you see water dripping from the top of your head, don't think it is raining outside, it could be AC, that is leaking water and if you notice that you are feeling so hot, that means the AC is not working, please feel free to ask the airhostess for a hand fan. We apologise for the inconvenience!!

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In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmarks! Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seatbelt. For those of you who can't find a seatbelt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase." "Thanking you all for choosing "Biman" to fly for the first and last time".