Clever, not intelligent

. PHOTO: AFP

We are experts in trading hatred. Our intolerance is at trigger point. Our patience is minus zero (minus zero [-0] not yet discovered!). We cheat 'honestly'! We denounce the terrorists, but carry guns. The law applies to others.

We cheat ourselves too, but we are not aware of it. Dishonesty is not taught at the university degree courses, but we can get a doctorate on this subject, objective, and goal. We are not scared of examinations we can cheat our way through. We can fool the IT (income tax) department. We cannot be fenced in. Our inspectors do not inspect, and our teachers work in multi-mode. Our systems losses in government revenue collection runs into thousands of crore of Taka, but still our economic growth rate is around five per cent per annum! We do not know how to protect our main asset 130 million citizens.

We cultivate the culture of matbar (godfather). We use burqa (veil) for our nefarious activities. We suck out the milk of human kindness not suck it in as the baby does. We have superb gift of the gab, and have proved that language was given to man to hide his thoughts, not to reveal it. We argue with facts, because some of our facts and information are phoney.

We teach our young and new generations how to be wily, crafty and slippery. We can shatter moral ethics with impunity, and seem to get away with it. The civil service has apparently collapsed, because the uniformed brigade has taken over. The politicians should wear uniform, but carry no arms. We can tell the truth only through occasional oversight, and when Rab rubs the salt into our wounds.

We shed crocodile tears during anniversaries, and wear glycerine cosmetics. Watch the number of anniversaries covered by the mass media, and compare the same in the developed countries. Out of 365 days, there are over 300 anniversaries. We love to live in the past, and dribble past the current national problems.

We are good ambassadors abroad. In our humility we keep a low profile closer to mother earth. But on homeland we are a bit ambitious, yearning for Pajero culture, and hi-rise air-conditioned shopping centres, where majority of the items sold are imported.

The zemindari hangover is still lingering, noting the fondness for rent-seeking business (telephone and photocopy booths). We prefer 4-wheelers to the baby 3-wheel cycle rickshaw, and do not feel ashamed of banning rickshaws from the metropolis. We prefer off-road vehicles, for obvious reason--we go off the road frequently, being oblivious to boundary conditions. The rivers and water bodies are drying up; and Dhaka might be sinking slowly within the next few decades due to extensive use of deep tubewells.

Our politics has potholes; and, pot bellies. We are familiar with the bottomless basket, and headless bodies; as also with the terms TI an IT. The former (TI) has awarded us a first class first, and in information technology we have enormous HR (human resources. Perhaps we are world leaders in hartal (strike), as it eats away four per cent of our GDP (press report). We have charismatic attachment to our past leaders, hence are extra sensitive to violations of the decency code.

We like grazing, drifting, with or without sail or rudder. It works, as we have swelled to more than 130 million souls without exerting our heart or brain. Rapid economic growth rate might be unstable; hence we go slow and steady.