The burden of my memories

Soon after our marriage, I discovered that my husband was an extremely knowledgeable and talented man. I was astonished by the breadth and depth of his knowledge. He was always reading, constantly exploring the world of philosophy, economics, history, and Bangla and English literature. He was a lifelong student, always interested in enhancing his knowledge of the world. He used to encourage me to read along with him so that I too would gain entry into the world of ideas which he held so dear. Whenever he read a good book he would say to me enthusiastically: "Why don't you read this book so that we can discuss it?" He was always very generous, anxious to share all that was available to him.

Our diplomatic life together was a very hectic one. Despite our busy schedule, my husband would make time on the weekends to teach Bangla to my son and daughter. Every year we would obtain textbooks from Bangladesh for our children to use during these study sessions. He would tell our children: "Even if one is highly educated abroad, it is still shameful to not know one's mother tongue." And so it is that even though my children received their education abroad, they do know how to speak, read, and write Bangla. This is one of the many gifts that he gave as a father to my children.

As a diplomat he had many achievements. I saw how hard he worked in 1974, when he was Bangladesh High Commissioner to Australia, to arrange wheat shipments that would help address food shortages in Bangladesh. All his life I saw him think only about the welfare of this country. When he was Bangladesh High Commissioner to the UN in Geneva, Switzerland, he worked to obtain many advantages for Bangladesh.

By losing him I have lost everything. It was he who encouraged me to become an artist. It was my husband who helped me to enroll in art schools in Washington and New York, enabling me to obtain the training to become a painter. Just a couple of days before he was killed he had called an art gallery in Dhaka and said: "This is Asma Kibria's husband speaking. I'd like to reserve your gallery for an exhibition of her paintings." Just from this small statement one can see the generosity of his spirit. He never begrudged my achievements and successes. Today he is no longer with me, the life partner who gave me encouragement and confidence. I don't know whether I will be able to lift up a brush to paint again.

The question I keep asking myself today is, how is it that such a man, so honest and principled, a man who was a true patriot, could be so brutally murdered? How long will the people of this country sit in silence, tolerating the senseless violence that now surrounds us?

I am quite sure that the people of this country appreciate my husband's fervent devotion to Bangladesh and the welfare of its people. In 1971 when the War of Liberation began, we were in Washington. My husband was posted to the Pakistan embassy at the time. He did not hesitate to leave the comfort and security of that post to join in the liberation struggle, despite the great uncertainty of that struggle and its outcome at the time. When he left the embassy, I took a job at an art supply store in order to financially support the family.

For most of my husband's working life, we lived overseas and after his retirement, we had the option of remaining abroad. But for my husband this was never a serious option. He wanted to serve Bangladesh. So we came back to the country in April 1992. Soon after returning, he began to write articles for Bangla and English newspapers on a variety of topics, ranging from international politics to social issues in Bangladesh. He quickly developed a reputation as a powerful and insightful newspaper columnist. After that he gradually began moving into the political arena. I used to object and say: "Why go into politics? There are other ways to serve the country." His reply was that "Politics is a good way to be close to the people." I would also often tell him, "Politics in our country is not for you, there is too much viciousness and conflict."

Then in 1996 the Awami League won the elections and came into power. My husband had played a key role in organizing the Awami League's election bid in 1996. He took up the post of Finance Minister in the newly formed government. When he was Finance Minister I saw him work day and night to successfully fulfill his duties. He was constantly thinking about how to improve the lives of ordinary people in Bangladesh. He was always concerned that the price of basic goods should remain stable so as to minimize the economic hardships of ordinary people. The fact that the price of basic goods did not rise for the 5 years of his tenure is evidence of his commitment. Many know of his successful policies to deal with the floods of 1998. I remember him telling me of how international groups were predicting that 20 million Bangalis would die from starvation. He said: "As finance minister, I want to make sure that not a single person dies from lack from food." He kept his word. For seven months he ensured that food and provisions were provided (free of cost) to 42 lakh families to ensure their survival. At that time, when I went to the market myself, I would see that the price of basic foods had not gone up. I would breath a sigh of relief, knowing that my husband's goal of minimizing the suffering of ordinary people was being realized.

In 2001 my husband decided to participate in the national elections. I was not so keen for him to do so, but in the face of his enthusiasm I relented. He wanted to serve the people as their representative. After being elected, he undertook regular visits to his district, usually twice a month. Even with the spiraling law and order crisis of the country, as grenade and bomb explosions proliferated, he continued to visit his district. In fact, he often deliberately went to the most remote areas, anxious to meet and hear from all of his constituents. When there was a flood last year in 2004, he quickly went to see the people of the flood-stricken areas of his district. Of his own initiative, he obtained relief supplies and went by boat in Lakhai area to deliver the supplies. He was a man who was guided by a deep sense of duty and responsibility. He was prepared to fulfill these responsibilities even at great personal risk.

My husband's only crime was his idealism, honesty and complete dedication to Bangladesh. I ask everyone, how is that such a great statesman and patriot of internationally recognized stature, a man of 73 years, could be killed in such a brutal and senseless manner? Do my fellow citizens know the answer to this question? He wrote against the rise of corruption, violence and militant religious extremism in the country -- was this his crime?

Perhaps he was killed because he was a beloved leader in Habiganj, widely respected for his honesty, compassion, and gentle manner. It is said that it was because of his popularity that the Awami League captured all 4 seats in Habiganj in the last election. Is this why he was killed -- to vacate a seat?

In the name of "investigation" the BNP-Jamaat-e-Islami government is now playing games, making it quite clear that they have no real intent to capture the killers. From the very beginning they have shown no desire to allow the FBI to come and investigate the murder of my husband. They refuse to accept the terms of agreement by which the FBI would like to come and investigate the matter. Do they really want the FBI to come?

Is it really possible that the investigation team, which is composed of employees of the government, would be able to conduct a full and independent investigation? Will they be able to catch not just the loyal servants who carried out the orders but also the powerful persons who gave the orders? I am confident that the investigation team contains competent professionals. Unfortunately, there is no reason to think that they will be able to fulfill their professional responsibilities in a complete manner. It makes no sense for us, the family, to accept the government investigation and we will not do so.

It is not just the matter of the grenade attack which concerns us. Why is it that after the attack, he received no medical treatment? Why was he sent in a broken ambulance, without saline or blood? Why was a helicopter not sent? In a statement that is beyond belief, the Speaker of the House has said that he learned of the attack the day after it occurred.

I ask my fellow countrymen to think about these questions. We must identify those who deliberately worked to ensure that my husband did not receive medical treatment. It hurts me that the man who, as a former high-ranking UN official was entitled to free medical treatment anywhere in the world, died without medical care.

Finally, I would like to say that what my family and I will never regain what we have lost. No one will be able to repair the damage that has happened. We, the family, demand a full and impartial investigation into my husband's killing and a trial of all those who were involved in it.

You, the people of Bangladesh, can make sure that our demands our met. I ask you, as citizens of this great country, to rise up and protest the government's refusal to accede to our demands. I want your support. I ask you all to participate in the peaceful programmes that I have called for in order to build a mass movement of protest.

Please do not forget that it is ultimately we, the people, who are the strongest force in this country. Please make sure that the blood of my husband and that of all the other victims of grenade and bomb attacks in Bangladesh has not been spilled in vain. I know that the blood of the victims and the tears of their families will not dry until there is justice.

Asma Kibrai is a painter and the widow of assassinated ex-Finance Minister Shah AMS Kibria.