“Do I dare?”

The other day I had a rather unsettling encounter with two young women at a local café, which is popular for its outdoor ambiance. On a crisp and cool afternoon a few of us old friends decided to meet at the café for lunch. The general idea was to reminisce about the "good old days," while enjoying the warmth of the mellow February sun and the lake view. Since it turned out to be a freak hot day we were on the look-out for a shady area… a table under the sole Pagoda in the garden. As soon as it got vacant my friends and I ambled towards the table but two young girls made a virtual dash for it. Rushing past us, they triumphantly occupied the space. One of them put on a Cheshire cat smile and mumbled a feeble "Sorry." Although shocked by the discourteous behaviour, we retreated to our original place without protesting.

Fortunately, the unsavoury incident did not detract us from relishing our "friendship lunch," but it certainly set my mind thinking about the changing social mores. One thing was clear from the young women's behaviour: age no longer confers respect and veneration. On a deeper level, I wondered whether the values I was taught in school and at home have left me utterly unequipped to deal with the aggressive, selfish, and competitive world we operate in today. I specifically refer to the the virtues of modesty, kindness, respect for elders and maintaining public decorum, which are all central to life. It appears that most young people today have a callous disregard for these values. They are inclined to push their way ahead and grab opportunities whether they have earned the right to those privileges or not. More seriously, pushing and grabbing are often done without any unease about violating others' rights.

I realise that it's unfair to paint an entire generation with a broad brush. But isn't it true that the operating principles in today's world are: "might is right" and "survival of the fittest" (please read the last as survival of those with influence and/or loads of money)? Thus people who choose to travel the arduous route to success are viewed as weak and vulnerable. Further, the bar of honesty and integrity has been lowered to the extent that people do not hesitate to use all kinds of devious means to achieve their goals. And those who consider these actions to be intrinsically wrong sit back silently because they are too scared to voice their protests. They believe that maintaining a dignified silence will save them the indignity of public backlash or loss of popularity.

I wonder …  is being kind/ good/ conscientious just a social construct to maintain a facade? Do we  adhere to these principles only to project an image or are they crucial for maintaining equilibrium in our communities and societies? Unfortunately, most of us have come to tolerate errant behaviour, even though protesting against it may lead to the greater good of the community. In the process, we have allowed offensive conduct to be accepted as the "social norm." For example, I chose to ignore the impolitenessof the young women in the restaurant because I didn't wish to get involved in an incident that might escalate into a public brawl. But, as an older person, should I not have told the young ladies that courtesy demanded that they give preference to a group of seniors? And that it's wrong to unfairly force one's way to get ahead -- no matter how big or small the reward may be.

The answer is, yes I should have. But then I was a victim of my vulnerability as a sensitive person. I preferred to wear my mask of civility because that's what I have been taught to do. The importance of childhood conditioning and education -- from mathematics to morality -- cannot be overstated. It matters little whether one is black or white or male or female or young or old. Weare all scared to break the code of conduct we have been taught to obey.

Perhaps it's time I asked myself some hard questions. Should I continue to live my life camouflaging my real self behind a façade of passivity because I am afraid of criticism, ridicule or losing public acceptance? Or should I speak out and fight the daily battles that I believe will challenge social injustices even in small ways? I may not be able to control other people's behaviour but society expects each one of us to stand up for what is right. If we don't we are creating, even if obliquely, serious negative consequences, sometimes affecting generations.

I believe that the greatest tragedy of life is not the appalling actions of bad people, but the indifferent silence of good people!

The writer is a renowned Rabindra Sangeet exponent and a former employee of the World Bank.
E-mail: shiftingimages@gmail.com