The Land of Possibilities

The ultra sonogram couldn't tell if it would be a boy or a girl. After a grueling 18 months of labour pain, America delivers a golden (haired) boy.  Exit the Dragon, Enter the Tiger while Barack prepares to go back to his barracks. That ain't too bad, considering that as part of Trump's de-muslimification process, Obama may be sent back to Kenya.

Surprising pundits, Trump grabbed votes just like he grabbed…Meanwhile, it was so quiet at the Clinton headquarters that you could hear an email being deleted.

I guess it's too early to have a female US President since it's been 'only' 96 years since America got its suffrage. So, slow down America, Trump is here, as America gets its sufferage.

Good thing America didn't listen to Trump's rant in 2012 (one of many) about abolishing the electoral college system, otherwise who would he have thanked this time? Clinton gets the popular votes, resulting in an outcome that could be the worst, but is not the first. America makes the fastest planes, fastest microprocessors, fastest athletes, fastest cars, fastest bucks, but when it comes to doing away with the electoral college system, it is the slowest.

So, in the paragon of democracy, every vote does NOT count as the swingers and the bouncers decide. It is these very voters that Trump focused on that the Clinton camp neglected. America, you still don't get it? The pundits are still scratching their heads – what happened? Hey, start watching Zee TV soap operas which, relatively speaking, probably make more sense.

November 9, 2016. A new dawn in America as the reality sinks in – 11/9 is the new 9/11. 9/11 – Never Forget. 11/9 – Always Regret.

But the Democrats are wasting no time. With the tears still wet, they have come up with their 2020 campaign slogan: Make America Great Again!

Meanwhile, Canadian border patrol is on the lookout for illegal Americans while Europe braces itself for another migrant crisis – from America. Angela Merkel may seriously contemplate building a wall, paid for by America. By the way Mr. Trump, the only type of women you can now deal with are the likes of Angela Merkel, Theresa May, Aung San Suu Kyi... Oh one more thing Mr. Trump, when it comes to the Congress or the Senate, you can't just say "you're fired!"

Many voters are on the streets, protesting the President elect. Hey, how about a new DV (Disenfranchised Voter) immigrant visa programme for these US citizens interested in the Bangladeshi green card (and eventually green passport)? Oh, and airlines are offering special discounted roundtrip airfares to major US cities from around the world – travel must be completed by January 20, 2017.

Trump may make George W. Bush seem like Mother Teresa. Speaking of G. W. Bush, it is karma – he will now experience firsthand what it feels like being citizen Bush with a clone (you can read that as 'clown' too) in the White House.

Let's look at the brighter side. For the next four years, we comedians are in business. Then again, it could very well be that the world famous Comedy Store on Sunset Boulevard, Hollywood is now on 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, DC.

To be fair, America was faced with choosing between Herpes and Syphilis. The outcome – America used to be the Land of Opportunities but it is now the Land of Possibilities – oh ANYTHING is possible.

The writer is an engineer at Ford & Qualcomm USA and CEO of IBM & Nokia Siemens Networks Bangladesh turned comedian (by choice), the host of ABC Radio's Good Morning Bangladesh and the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club.

E-mail: naveed@naveedmahbub.com