The penalty of success

One of my better lessons of life has been the understanding, and with good reason that, that if someone is upset with you, shows resentment towards you, for apparently no visible reason, it usually means that a third party has been singing your songs of praise and that is not tolerable to the grouch.

If, on the other hand, it is your intention to incinerate a person to smithereens, metaphorically speaking, your good word about someone acquainted to that person is good enough. Or, should it be bad enough? Once upon a time it was assumed that only film actresses at the top of the slide in their waning career were susceptible to such psychological warfare, but now the entire humankind has been engulfed by this green-eyed monster, as Shakespeare put it.

A person as large as two-time United Kingdom PM Winston Churchill (pun intended) was quick to understand why people grew adversaries around them like some orchards bore bad apples. "You have enemies?" he said, "Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life."

This spiteful attitude is usually manifest among mentally feeble persons who consider another as their competitor for a position or a promotion or (ludicrously) even an official trip abroad. That is 'envy'in its finest form: bearing bitterness toward another because of a desire to acquire what that person possesses or enjoys. One can be envious about something not possessed, yet desired, and therefore be overwhelmed by a sense of inadequacy. An envious person, albeit quite unnecessarily so, suffers from exasperation and restlessness because of the belief that the undeserved has been rewarded and merit thrown out of the window.

Envy is also defined as "the longing for something someone else has without any ill will intended toward that person." They say a phenomenon even as dreadful as envy usually doesn't involve indignation and revenge. But that is not always the case. Some affected people will go a yard and a half to harm an enviable person, imagined as an opponent, a hurdle in his endeavour to equal or surpass the one already favoured.

Scientist, diplomat and politician, to name a few of his attributes, and one of the founding fathers of the USA, Benjamin Franklin was, in the end, no more than a mere mortal. For he too was of the opinion that "to find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girlfriends." Where Frank got it wrong was that such vengeance was not limited to the fairer sex; the infirmity has embraced the entire mankind.

The rewards of being envied is worth the while. You will be envied by other sapiens only if you have achieved a stature through mostly your hard work and with maybe fortune too playing its part. Another famous statesman, Theodore Roosevelt, admitted that never in his life he had envied a person who led an easy life; on the contrary he was envious of "a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well."

One of the prime conditions of being at the receiving end of envy, not that it is an enjoyable position, is that you have to be successful, and many would believe that a name like Norma Jeane (also Baker) Mortenson would possibly not do, or the initials NJBM, ugh! Here I am in total disagreement with Studio Twentieth Century-Fox, because the multiple talents in modelling, acting and singing exhibited by Ms. Mortenson would have showered success at her feet even if she was not renamed Marilyn Monroe. Now this 1950s symbol of sexuality was the envy of millions. First married at sixteen during WWII (it was legal then), Monroe realised that "Success makes so many people hate you". She lamented. "I wish it wasn't that way. It would be wonderful to enjoy success without seeing envy in the eyes of those around you." But, alas! That is no more than wishful thinking.

If you have 'enviable' accomplishments there will be bad-mouthing, back-stabbing, and whisperings in mind's darkest corridors. Expect all that and worse. Take a deep breath and embrace the world for all that it has bestowed on you. Be thankful to your Creator for you have strived to turn His gifts into a treasure-trove.

The next time you see someone upset with you, smile back. You know you are already there, and those who are aggrieved are yearning to fill you shoes. Don't you dare leave them unoccupied! Strive harder to widen the gap with others if you can by dint of your ability and aptitude. Pull them up if they reach out to you. Sometimes it can be lonely at the top.

Only one bit of parting advice: please do not spoil someone else's party when success is doing the round in another's orbit.

The writer is a practising Architect at BashaBari Ltd., a Commonwealth Scholar and a Fellow, a Baden-Powell Fellow Scout Leader, and a Major Donor Rotarian